Letting Go of “Mum Guilt”
Motherhood is a beautiful, life-changing journey, but let’s face it, it could also be messy, complicated, and filled with moments of self-doubt. One of the most pervasive struggles modern mothers face is the relentless, nagging feeling of "mum guilt." You know the one: the voice in your head that whispers you’re not doing enough. That you’re failing, either as a mum, a professional, or both.
But what if I told you that being a loving, attentive mum and a thriving professional don’t have to be at odds? What if the version of motherhood that society has sold us the one that demands perfection at all times isn’t the only way? What if letting go of "mum guilt" is the first step towards being the best version of yourself for your children and your career?
This article is a heartfelt exploration of what it means to balance motherhood with professional aspirations. It’s a reminder that being a "great mum" doesn’t mean sacrificing your identity or goals. It means embracing your imperfections, being present in the ways that matter, and understanding that guilt has no place in a life built on love and purpose.
Understanding “Mum Guilt”
“Mum guilt” is a near-universal experience. Whether it’s feeling guilty for missing a school event because of work, for taking time for yourself, or for not living up to impossible standards, this guilt can weigh heavily on mothers.
A study conducted by the charity Action for Children found that 70% of mothers in the UK feel judged for their parenting choices, with working mums often feeling the brunt of this judgement. Society places immense pressure on women to "do it all", to excel in their careers while also being ever-present, perfect mothers. But the reality is, these expectations are not only unrealistic but also harmful.
The guilt often stems from a false narrative: that good mothers must give everything, leaving no room for their own ambitions or self-care. But here’s the truth: sacrificing yourself entirely doesn’t make you a better mum. It simply makes you exhausted, stressed, and less present.
The Myth of the “Perfect Mum”
It’s important to challenge the myth of the "perfect mum." Social media, parenting blogs, and even well-meaning friends can perpetuate the idea that motherhood should look a certain way. But behind the curated images of spotless homes and smiling children is a truth that’s rarely shared: no one has it all figured out.
Take Sophie, for example, a marketing executive and mum of two. For years, she tried to be the perfect mum. She’d bake cupcakes for school events, attend every meeting at work, and still feel guilty if she took a moment to herself. Eventually, the strain led her to burnout.
“I realised I was chasing an impossible standard,” Sophie says. “It wasn’t making me a better mum it was making me miserable. My kids didn’t need a perfect mum; they needed a happy, present one.”
Sophie’s story is a reminder that motherhood doesn’t need to fit into a rigid mould. Being a great mum doesn’t mean doing everything it means doing what matters most.
How to Let Go of “Mum Guilt”
Letting go of mum guilt isn’t easy, especially when it feels so deeply ingrained. But it’s possible. Here are some practical strategies to help you navigate the delicate balance between being a mum and pursuing your professional goals:
1. Redefine Success
The first step in overcoming mum guilt is redefining what success looks like for you. Success doesn’t have to mean attending every school event or working late every night. It can mean being there for your child when they need you most, while also showing them the importance of following your passions.
Children thrive when they see their parents living fulfilling lives. By pursuing your career, you’re teaching them valuable lessons about resilience, ambition, and the importance of hard work.
2. Set Boundaries
Boundaries are essential for balancing family and work life. This might mean setting clear work hours so you can dedicate uninterrupted time to your children, or letting your employer know when you’re unavailable.
Boundaries also apply at home. For example, if you need an hour to focus on work or self-care, communicate this to your children in a way they can understand. It’s okay to prioritise your needs it makes you a better parent in the long run.
3. Let Go of Perfectionism
Perfectionism is a key driver of mum guilt. But here’s the thing: your children don’t need a perfect mum; they need a loving, present one. It’s okay if dinner isn’t home-cooked every night or if you miss the occasional school assembly. What matters is that your children know they’re loved.
4. Ask for Help
You don’t have to do it all alone. Whether it’s a partner, a friend, or a support group, lean on the people around you. Delegating tasks both at work and at home can relieve some of the pressure and allow you to focus on what truly matters.
5. Focus on Quality, Not Quantity
It’s not about how much time you spend with your children; it’s about the quality of that time. Even short, meaningful moments reading a bedtime story, having an honest conversation, or simply being fully present can make a lasting impact.
Real-Life Inspiration: Balancing Motherhood and a Career
The stories of successful working mums prove that it’s possible to thrive in both motherhood and a career.
Take Michelle Obama, for example. As a lawyer, First Lady, and mother, she has spoken openly about the challenges of balancing her professional and personal life. In her book Becoming, she writes:
"I had to learn to stop measuring myself by the yardstick of perfection… I began to understand that being a perfect mother was less about what you did and more about who you were."
Another example is Jacinda Ardern, the former Prime Minister of New Zealand, who famously gave birth while in office. Ardern’s decision to bring her baby to work meetings wasn’t just symbolic it was a powerful reminder that motherhood and leadership can coexist.
These women show us that while the balance isn’t always easy, it is achievable with the right mindset and support.
You Are Enough
Letting go of mum guilt is a process, and it won’t happen overnight. But remember this: you are enough. You don’t have to do it all to be a great mum. You don’t have to sacrifice your ambitions to prove your love for your children.
Your worth as a mother isn’t determined by how much you give up it’s measured by the love, guidance, and time you give your children when it matters most. And by pursuing your professional goals, you’re not neglecting your family; you’re giving them a role model to look up to.
So, take a deep breath and let go of the guilt. Embrace the messy, imperfect, beautiful reality of being a working mum. You are doing better than you think, and your children are lucky to have you.
In the words of the poet Maya Angelou: “Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better.” You’re already doing your best and that’s more than enough. You’ve got this.